In an effort to alleviate that wondrous and vague PMS symptom, "Irritablity", I hereby present a random sampling of things that make me irritable:

People who don't close the conference room door when they're having a meeting/kaffee klatch

My cube is in a fairly public place, and I'm tired of hearing your conversations - in conference rooms, waiting for conference rooms, hanging out by the elevators, leaning against my cube wall. Seriously, people, STFU. I've tried turning up my radio, but so far, you haven't gotten the hint. Perhaps it would help if I weren't listening to Lute Songs of the English Renaissance.

Low-powered classical radio stations

Look, I appreciate that I'm one of perhaps seven people in the greater Los Angeles area who willingly listens to classical stuff, but do you think maybe you could get a bigger radio tower, or whatever it is you need to do so I can actually make it through all three movements of a sonata without having to spin my radio around while tweaking the antenna with unlikely arrangements of binder clips? If the station that plays the same ten songs by bands consisting of screaming men who can't play instruments would play NIN, Morrissey, early Tori Amos or Bad Religion more than once a week, I wouldn't have to rely on K-Mozart's eleven watts of broadcasting power, but since the White Stripes have just found a new way to arrange those 5 notes they can play, I expect KROQ's going to have to keep them on heavy rotation for the next several months. (Oh, and confidential to Jack White: if you're new to the instrument and haven't developed an "ear" yet, you can buy an inexpensive guitar tuner at your local Guitar Center. Hope that helps!)

Clothing designers/store buyers

I have no idea whose fault this is, but cut it out already with the F-ing Capri pants! They look good on no one! I don't need any help looking stumpy, thank you very much. I'm bigger than your arbitrary "Misses/Junior" chick, but surely it can't cost that much more to add two inches to the bottoms of those pants so they hit the tops of my shoes, and I can wear them to work. OK, so I have been known to wear a pair of Capri pants, but only as an alternative to shorts, when I don't otherwise give a crap what I look like. Work is not one of those times. Please go back to making some basic, generic flat-front twill pants -Chinos, I believe they are called - for my business casual lifestyle. And not with giant pleats or wads of elastic bulking up the whole line. I'm already big, I don't need a billowy ass. Also, you may substitute the words "3/4 legnth sleeves" for "capri pants" where appropriate.

For everyone else: Just because you can get it buttoned doesn't mean it fits. Buying clothes a size smaller doesn't make you any skinnier, but it does make even anorexics look flabby.

Stinky people on public transportation

 I'm not entirely heartless - I get that when you're homeless you are also shower-less. I also am aware that staying in a shelter is often the quickest way to have your few mangy possessions stolen from you. But I also know that there are a lot of shelters where you can go in and shower, and I'm betting get new clothes as well as have your old clothes properly disposed of by the county HazMat team. So go take a damn shower and stay off my damn bus.

J.S. Bach

Wow, those unaccompanied suites sure are lovely, but were you aware that the cello is not an infinite-stringed fretted instrument? You can only get so far with the "viola da gamba" defense - it was on its way out before you ever got to the repetoire, so you can take all those chords in that third suite and cram them up your ass!

Ah, that feels better. Would that bitching could also do something for cramps.